Negotiation is not an option

Almost immediately after Andy was born, Amy insisted on returning to work.

Financially, there was really no reason.  Scott was an officer, so his pay covered the couples expenses.

But Amy wanted her freedom; her "rights" as she referred to it.

Andy would be just fine in an all-day daycare.

He was barely four weeks old and as Amy saw things, he would adjust.

Scott felt torn.

He didn't want to hold Amy back.

But he also felt sorry for Andy.

Would he get the attention that a newborn required from being in a daycare setting?

Sure, many families place their children in daycare and they do just fine.

But to Scott, Andy was so new and small.

And the world was such a big place.

Amy had set her mind to it that staying home even a few more weeks was NOT an option.

And within days she interviewed and was hired at a prominent hospital.

She met Scott at the door the day she accepted her position.

 

I start work in 3 days, and the pay is more then you'll EVER make!

She smiled, turned on her heel and gave Scott a coy little laugh.

She seemed happy and excited.

That's great, Amy!

Then Scott asked the question:

What day care have you found for Andy?

Immediately, Amy flew into a rage.

You can't even congratulate me!

You can't even ask how the interview went, what their impression of me was?

The world doesn't revolve around you and Andy.

I have a life too!

Scott was caught off guard.

Amy, I'm happy for you and I'm proud of you.  I just wasn't aware that you had interviewed daycare centers yet.

Amy snapped back.

Daycare centers are everywhere you look.

But they aren't going to help us.

I'm going to work midnights.

When you get home, you can take care of Andy.

Scott was shocked.

They had never discussed Amy working midnights.

And with Scott being in the military his shifts rotated.

Amy, why midnights?

Because, I don't like days.

Day shifts in the hospital are a bitch.

Those holier-then- thou  doctors are always breathing down your back.

They all think they are demi-gods.

They saunter in for a few hours, make their rounds and act like Saviour's to their patients. They treat the nursing staff like crap, like we are their slaves. I am NOT going into that environment. No one is going to look down their nose at me.  At night,  "I"  call the shots. I don't need to answer to those arrogant bastards.

But Amy, what happens when I'm up for  midnight rotation?  

Then YOU'LL have to figure something out, won't you?

Why is it my problem?  Why should I have to work MY schedule around your career, Scott?

Amy, you knew I was military before we married.  We discussed how I was going to make this a career, stay with it until retirement.  A military career isn't a 9:00 to 5:00 job.  You said you understood. You said you wanted to do your part just as much as me.

Well, it's not my problem, Scott.  My schedule isn't going to change. I'll have the same hours and the same days.  No surprises. I would suggest that you get busy and figure out how you are going to take care of Andy when your shift changes.

Amy, be reasonable.  You can work days and there are daycare centers that can provide for Andy. You can still have your career.  Amy, what happens when I get deployed again?  You know it is going to happen.

Well Scott, it looks like you have your homework cut out for you...

Amy settled into her job, and Scott fell into his routine with Andy.

And for several weeks, things went uneventful.

That was until Scott was placed on rotation.

Amy suggested that Scott find an overnight sitter.

Scott placed a call to an agency.  He felt that an agency would provide a higher quality nanny.

And they would do the appropriate background checks and such.  After all, Scott wasn't going to let just anyone care for Andy.

The agency provided an exceptional nanny for Andy.  Scott and Amy interviewed her and felt that she was a great fit for their family.  She came at a higher price, but she was very qualified and seemed very responsible and loving.  Things went very well for the first month or so.  Then one day the nanny called Amy.  She had to fly home as her father was ill.  He had suffered a massive heart attack and was in I.C.U.   Amy wasn't happy  but seemed understanding and told the nanny to keep her posted.  Amy turned to Scott and stated that he needed to call his C.O. and take off of work.

Amy, I can't call my C.O.!

Why not, Scott?  

Because, Amy, the military doesn't work like that.  I don't get to pick and choose. I made a commitment, I have a "duty".

Screw your duty, Scott.  I have a life too.  I have a career.  I make more money then you'll ever make!  You're going to have to man-up.  I suggest you get busy.

Man-up, Amy?  What is that supposed to mean? When I entered the military, I took an oath.  In the military you take orders.  They don't bend the rules.  You knew this before we got married. You understood that this was not just a commitment on my part.  You knew there would be sacrifices from both of us.  You knew this was going to be hard.

Well, that was then and this is now, Scott.  Things change.  You knew that I wanted my career. You knew I was going to go back to school.

Yeah, Amy, I knew.  But things didn't go as we planned.

What do you mean, Scott?   Things didn't go as we planned?  They went exactly as planned!

Amy, I mean we didn't think we would have kids this soon.  That's why you were on the pill. We wanted to wait.  I understand that sometimes women get pregnant while they are on the pill. Neither one of us ever thought we would be the one in a million to get pregnant on the pill.

Scott, "we" didn't.

Amy, I know "I" wasn't pregnant, you were.  All I meant was...

Scott, I wasn't on the pill.  I stopped taking it.

What???

You stopped taking it?

You never told me.  Why would you NOT tell me!  Amy, I'm your husband.  I had a right to know!

Scott, it's my body.  You don't have a "right" to decisions about "MY" body.

Amy, I had a right to decide on when to start a family, don't you think?

Amy turned on her heel.

You had a right to decide to get married.  You made your decision.  You married me.

Sometimes kids are a surprise.  Sometimes kids just happen.  Sometimes things are not planned...

Amy, that's unfair.  This wasn't a surprise to you.  You knew the chances.  You just withheld the information.

Well, Scott, it is what it is.  And I suggest you learn how to deal with it...

-S.Spade