The facts, just the facts.

It was a cold, grey day.

The type of day that leaves you feeling as if the marrow in your bones were ice.

I had been home from work for about 15 minutes.

I remember vividly it had felt surreal all day.

My mind seemed a bit foggy and I was agitated. I noticed that I just couldn't hold a thought... 

I was pouring myself a drink when the sound of the phone surprisingly made me shudder.

I looked at the caller I.D. and hesitantly,  lifted the phone to my ear.

Unrecognizable number.

I almost didn't want to say hello.

Something told me not to.

The voice in my gut.

Something told me that this was bad.

And my life was never to be the same.

"Hello", pause...

On the other end the caller says "I hate to have to tell you this...he's dead. He killed himself"

It was a family friend making the call to me.

I scream...I drop the phone.

I fall to the floor.

I realize I am now in a fetal position.

I can feel myself screaming.

But I can't hear the sound.

Slow motion.

Is this real...NO, it HAS to be a nightmare.

But my eyes are open.

And my heart is pounding.

I feel tears.

Not him...please not him.

It makes no sense.

I placed the phone back to my ear...

Where...

What happened...

A motel...suicide.

Pause...

I feel sick, I have to call you back.

I run to the bathroom and vomit.

I compose myself as much as humanly possible.

I go back to the phone.

My mind racing...

How will I even get the words out of my mouth?

How do you tell your sister how sorry you are?

How do you console a mother?

How do you find the words?

Are there any words of comfort?

The voice on the other end of the phone is almost a whisper...

It's my sister.

We just fall apart, no words were needed.

We are shattered.

-S. Spade