Sunday, January 4, 2009

The nightmare begins

They were sweethearts in high school.
The attraction was never clear except for the old saying "opposites attract".
Scott was a typical teenager.
Gawky and just trying to fit in.
The kind of kid that makes you smile.
His movements were awkward at times.
In some ways he looked like a puppy that was trying to fit into its legs and paws.
A growth spurt that often times would make one trip over their own feet.
He was intelligent.
In many respects at a genius level.
Unsure of which path to take.
Computer geek meets Goth.
And he had an uncanny sense of humor.
Typical struggles with his parents.
And he seemed to have an internal struggle of which way to turn in life.
Not at all unusual for a teenager.
Trying to find their place.
Trying to be accepted.
But he was a kid that no matter which hat he placed on his head, you just liked him.

Amy was different.
Intelligent, absolutely.
Pretty in a gawky sense.
Again, being a teenager, not unusual.
Usually the one thing I always remember about a person is their eye color.
I am awful with names, but with eyes...I can always remember someone's eyes.
To this day I can't recall her eye color.
Nor the shape of her eyes.
Maybe because looking back in time I realize she never made eye contact.
She would look off in the distance, or to the side.
But I can honestly say she never looked me in the eye.
She seemed cool.
I don't mean cool in the respect of a "cool kid".
Cool...cold.
It seemed as if she had almost drawn an imaginary line around her that was not to be crossed, couldn't be crossed.
She had strong opinions and even stronger emotions.
Mind you, I had only had limited contact with them during their teenage romance.
So making a fair assumption had its limits.
In all fairness I really knew little of her.
It was just a feeling.
And I don't mind saying, an uneasy feeling.
But as I grow older and wiser I have learned that "gut feelings" are usually correct.
There is a reason we are born with this uncanny ability.
It goes back to the beginning of humanity.
It's called a fight or flight response.
It is an actual reflex.
A reflex that is meant for survival.
There is a reason for it.
And I have learned that when I ignore this reflex, things go very badly.
My first introduction to Amy was followed by this uneasy feeling.
But I brushed it off.
And back then, I figured their time together would be limited.
Seldom do high school crushes go beyond high school.
A dance here, prom there.
A few dates and some time spent in the back seat of a car.
Someone does something to cheese off the other.
And the inevitable breakup takes place.
And such was the case with Scott and Amy.
Typical teenagers.
C'este la vie.

Several years passed.
We never heard much from Scott about Amy.
He had graduated from high school and went about life.
Sometimes making good choices, sometimes not so good.
But again, nothing unusual for someone his age.
I assume he had a few girlfriends along the way.
But I was busy raising a family, and he was busy growing up.
And as such I never had knowledge of any relationships he was in.
Our relationship was mostly limited to holiday gatherings.
And "catch up" news from my sister when we would talk.
Again, typical.
I knew that there were struggles in the family.
Again, nothing unusual.
Power struggles are not uncommon for a young adult man.
Testosterone plays a part as does testing the waters.
The result is usually the kid feels that they are so much wiser then the parent.
They feel they are an equal.
So decisions are made and often times the bird needs to be kicked out of the nest.
Scott went off on his own and had jobs here and there.
Then life snuck up on him.
And he started realizing that mom and dad just might have a bit more on him in the wisdom department.
He decided to follow in his fathers foot steps and seek out a military career.
Start making good choices.
Build on his education; have a chance to see the world.
And we were all thrilled to see him coming into his own.
Unfortunately, this was also when Amy came back into his life.
Boot camp was followed by their wedding.
Maybe I was wrong with my feelings of uneasiness?
After all teenagers do grow up.
Maybe age had changed the awkward girl?
Age had certainly changed Scott.
And it was a positive change.
But still, I couldn't shake the old "gut feeling".
Years later, I would understand why.
-S. Spade







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