Showing posts with label military families. Show all posts
Showing posts with label military families. Show all posts

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Humiliation

Amy's behavior became increasingly outrageous.
And Scott seemed to be the brunt of her anger.
It seemed as if there would never be a peaceful marriage for the couple.
And it was becoming more obvious that when there was an occasional calm period,
Amy would get unsettled.
It was clear that Amy could only survive in chaos.

Amy was also displaying more erratic behavior at work.
And it wasn't long until the director of nursing called Amy into her office.
There were numerous complaints about Amy not only from the doctors,
but also her co-workers.
It was at this meeting that Amy was given a choice to either resign or they would terminate her employment.
Amy resigned, but she had no problem voicing her opinion of the caliber of physicians that she worked under. In Amy's opinion they were all inadequate. She was glad to be moving on.

That evening Amy told Scott that she had resigned.
Scott was relieved, as he was about to be deployed and with Amy now at home, daycare wouldn't be a problem.
Surprisingly, Amy agreed with Scott.
She almost seemed excited to be able to become a full time mother to Andy.
Something that no one had seen in Amy before.
For a moment, Scott thought that this resignation might be the answer that they were all looking for.

During the first week Amy seemed happy.
They lived close to the beach and Amy would pack up little Andy and spend the afternoons with him playing in the sand.
Amy was also dabbling in photography, so shooting Andy playing at the beach seemed to satisfy her creative side.
Scott was coming home from work to what resembled a normal family atmosphere.
And for a brief moment, things were looking up.

The week before Scott was to be deployed, things took a turn for the worse.
Scott was on duty and was about two hours into his shift.
His commanding officer called for Scott to immediately report to his office.
Upon arriving at the C.O.'s office, Scott opened the door.
In the middle of the floor sat Andy along with a diaper bag and some toys, as well as the car seat.
Amy had dropped Andy off at the base.
A heated argument ensued between the C.O. and Amy.
Amy demanded to see Scott.
She announced that Andy was Scott's responsibility for the day.
Scott's C.O. stated that he was not about to tolerate Amy's demands and that she was to immediately leave the base or the M.P. would escort her away.
Amy turned on her heel and stated that indeed she would leave but not with Andy.
Amy proceeded to her car and left leaving Andy behind.

Scott was horrified and humiliated.
Scott's C.O. pulled him from duty and told him to go home and take care of his affairs.
Scott apologized, but to no avail.
And he knew that there would be serious consequences, after all this was not the first time that Amy had done this.

When Scott arrived home he called Terri and Bruce.
Terri could tell by the tone of his voice that something was seriously wrong.
Scott told Terri about what had taken place.
And Terri became furious.
Bruce got on he phone with his son.
He insisted that Scott get Amy into a doctor for evaluation.
Scott agreed, something was seriously wrong.
And it needed to be addressed before Scott was deployed.

Scott decided to take Andy over to a friends house for the evening. He knew that the evening with Amy was not going to be good and he didn't want it to upset Andy. Kathy and Jim were good friends and understood. They gladly took Andy for the evening.

Amy arrived back home early that evening.
She bolted through the front door, her arms packed with shopping bags.
She was not just happy, she was giddy.
It was as if the entire day had gone normal.
Her behavior was so bizarre that is stunned Scott.

Amy,do you want to tell me what happened today?
Scott's voice shook as he spoke.

Amy looked at Scott dismayed.

Nothing happened Scott, Amy replied.

Nothing? Amy, what the hell do you mean nothing?
You dumped Andy at the base, you got into an argument with my C.O., and I am going to be in serious trouble tomorrow when I report for duty!

Amy turned and threw one of the bags at Scott.

I deserve a day off Scott, just like you do.
And today was MY day off.
Your C.O. is a pompous asshole.
He probably treats his wife like a door mat and she probably takes it.
Well, I am not a door mat and I won't take it from you or that bastard C.O. of yours.

Scott asked Amy if she had been taking her medications.
It was a question that Scott soon regretted asking.
Amy became more enraged then Scott had ever seen.
Medications? You think that I am some kind of a freak don't you Scott?
And I'm sure your mother has been coaching you.
I'm sure she has told you that I am unstable.
Tell me Scott, does your mother think that I should be in a mental hospital too?
It was at that time that Amy picked up the phone and called Terri.

So Terri, do you think I am an unfit mother?
Your son does. And your son thinks I need medication.
Well let me tell you about your son. He is having an affair.
And it's not the first time. I know that he has had a few girlfriends. He claims that he is going to work, but I know he is calling in sick. So Terri, what so you think of your precious son now?

Terri was stunned. Amy was making no sense. Terri asked Amy if she was with Andy. Amy responded by saying yes, she was with Andy. Then she screamed at Terri that she didn't have to worry, she wasn't a child abuser like Scott.
Scott took the phone from Amy.
He told Terri that he would call her back later. Scott let Terri know that Andy was not at home and to please not worry.

But that was all Terri could do.

Terri hung up the phone and looked at Bruce.
Things are worse then we ever expected.
And I don't know how Scott is keeping his sanity, Bruce.
It was at that time that Terri and Bruce decided that Terri would take the next plane out.

-S.Spade













Saturday, January 10, 2009

Negotiation is not an option

Almost immediately after Andy was born, Amy insisted on returning to work.
Financially, there was really no reason.  Scott was an officer, so his pay covered the couples expenses.

But Amy wanted her freedom; her "rights" as she referred to it.

Andy would be just fine in an all-day daycare.
He was barely four weeks old and as Amy saw things, he would adjust.

Scott felt torn.

He didn't want to hold Amy back.
But he also felt sorry for Andy.

Would he get the attention that a newborn required from being in a daycare setting?
Sure, many families place their children in daycare and they do just fine.
But to Scott, Andy was so new and small.
And the world was such a big place.

Amy had set her mind to it that staying home even a few more weeks was NOT an option.
And within days she interviewed and was hired at a prominent hospital.

She met Scott at the door the day she accepted her position.
 
I start work in 3 days, and the pay is more then you'll EVER make!
She smiled, turned on her heel and gave Scott a coy little laugh.
She seemed happy and excited.

That's great, Amy!

Then Scott asked the question:

What day care have you found for Andy?

Immediately, Amy flew into a rage.

You can't even congratulate me!
You can't even ask how the interview went, what their impression of me was?
The world doesn't revolve around you and Andy.
I have a life too!

Scott was caught off guard.

Amy, I'm happy for you and I'm proud of you.  I just wasn't aware that you had interviewed daycare centers yet.

Amy snapped back.

Daycare centers are everywhere you look.
But they aren't going to help us.
I'm going to work midnights.
When you get home, you can take care of Andy.

Scott was shocked.

They had never discussed Amy working midnights.
And with Scott being in the military his shifts rotated.

Amy, why midnights?

Because, I don't like days.
Day shifts in the hospital are a bitch.
Those holier-then- thou  doctors are always breathing down your back.
They all think they are demi-gods.
They saunter in for a few hours, make their rounds and act like Saviour's to their patients. They treat the nursing staff like crap, like we are their slaves. I am NOT going into that environment. No one is going to look down their nose at me.  At night,  "I"  call the shots. I don't need to answer to those arrogant bastards.

But Amy, what happens when I'm up for  midnight rotation?  

Then YOU'LL have to figure something out, won't you?
Why is it my problem?  Why should I have to work MY schedule around your career, Scott?

Amy, you knew I was military before we married.  We discussed how I was going to make this a career, stay with it until retirement.  A military career isn't a 9:00 to 5:00 job.  You said you understood. You said you wanted to do your part just as much as me.

Well, it's not my problem, Scott.  My schedule isn't going to change. I'll have the same hours and the same days.  No surprises. I would suggest that you get busy and figure out how you are going to take care of Andy when your shift changes.

Amy, be reasonable.  You can work days and there are daycare centers that can provide for Andy. You can still have your career.  Amy, what happens when I get deployed again?  You know it is going to happen.

Well Scott, it looks like you have your homework cut out for you...

Amy settled into her job, and Scott fell into his routine with Andy.
And for several weeks, things went uneventful.
That was until Scott was placed on rotation.
Amy suggested that Scott find an overnight sitter.
Scott placed a call to an agency.  He felt that an agency would provide a higher quality nanny.
And they would do the appropriate background checks and such.  After all, Scott wasn't going to let just anyone care for Andy.

The agency provided an exceptional nanny for Andy.  Scott and Amy interviewed her and felt that she was a great fit for their family.  She came at a higher price, but she was very qualified and seemed very responsible and loving.  Things went very well for the first month or so.  Then one day the nanny called Amy.  She had to fly home as her father was ill.  He had suffered a massive heart attack and was in I.C.U.   Amy wasn't happy  but seemed understanding and told the nanny to keep her posted.  Amy turned to Scott and stated that he needed to call his C.O. and take off of work.

Amy, I can't call my C.O.!

Why not, Scott?  

Because, Amy, the military doesn't work like that.  I don't get to pick and choose. I made a commitment, I have a "duty".

Screw your duty, Scott.  I have a life too.  I have a career.  I make more money then you'll ever make!  You're going to have to man-up.  I suggest you get busy.

Man-up, Amy?  What is that supposed to mean? When I entered the military, I took an oath.  In the military you take orders.  They don't bend the rules.  You knew this before we got married. You understood that this was not just a commitment on my part.  You knew there would be sacrifices from both of us.  You knew this was going to be hard.

Well, that was then and this is now, Scott.  Things change.  You knew that I wanted my career. You knew I was going to go back to school.

Yeah, Amy, I knew.  But things didn't go as we planned.

What do you mean, Scott?   Things didn't go as we planned?  They went exactly as planned!

Amy, I mean we didn't think we would have kids this soon.  That's why you were on the pill. We wanted to wait.  I understand that sometimes women get pregnant while they are on the pill. Neither one of us ever thought we would be the one in a million to get pregnant on the pill.

Scott, "we" didn't.

Amy, I know "I" wasn't pregnant, you were.  All I meant was...

Scott, I wasn't on the pill.  I stopped taking it.

What???
You stopped taking it?
You never told me.  Why would you NOT tell me!  Amy, I'm your husband.  I had a right to know!

Scott, it's my body.  You don't have a "right" to decisions about "MY" body.

Amy, I had a right to decide on when to start a family, don't you think?

Amy turned on her heel.

You had a right to decide to get married.  You made your decision.  You married me.
Sometimes kids are a surprise.  Sometimes kids just happen.  Sometimes things are not planned...

Amy, that's unfair.  This wasn't a surprise to you.  You knew the chances.  You just withheld the information.

Well, Scott, it is what it is.  And I suggest you learn how to deal with it...


-S.Spade