Pregnancy, motherhood and madness

There was an uncomfortable silence on the phone.

Amy's pregnant?

Another long pause...Yeah mom, she's pregnant...not exactly the best timing, eh?

Something tells me she stopped taking her birth control pills.

Scott, are you sure she was ever on the pill?

Another pause...

Mom, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure of anything right now. All I am sure of is that I can't even consider a break up. I have a responsibility to take care of her and the baby. Who knows, maybe this will bring us closer together, something to celebrate. And you and dad will be awesome grandparents!

Terri agreed, they would be awesome grandparents. But she worried about the marriage. There were problems from the start. And children, although a blessing, seldom are the answer to a rocky relationship.

During the pregnancy, Amy's behaviors became more erratic.

One moment, she would be raising cane about her career.

In no uncertain terms she let Scott know that she was not about to throw all her schooling in the dumper simply because of a child. She expected to continue working and she expected to further her education. In the next breath she would scream about how unfair it would be for her to have to work and be a mother. She also became increasingly jealous. She accused Scott of having affairs and wanted to know his whereabouts at all times. When Scott would be scheduled for duty it was not uncommon for Amy to call his commanding officer to inquire if Scott was in fact scheduled for work. Scott was often reprimanded by his C.O. for these incidents and he tried his best to curtail Amy's outbursts. When Amy wasn't calling Scott's commanding officers, she would call his cell phone repeatedly. It wasn't uncommon for Scott to have 20-30 messages from Amy on any given day.

Amy also didn't fit the typical scenario of a first time mommy-to-be. Most women happily discuss their pregnancy, look forward to picking out layette items and spend hours finding the perfect name for their baby. Not the case with Amy. She rarely discussed her pregnancy. There was no "glow". She almost seemed annoyed with the entire process. She clearly was not impressed with her baby shower. Most mother's ohh and ahh over all the baby gifts. Amy was almost robot-like. No emotion. Take card off of gift, open envelope, briefly read who the gift was from, remove wrapping paper, open box, look, close box, move to next item...

And it was noted by the guests that she seemed less than excited. Not your typical baby shower. When Amy was asked how she liked being pregnant her response was "it's a means to an end"...

It wasn't learned until after her pregnancy that Amy, against medical advice, stopped taking all her medications. Although the doctor had assured Amy that the risk of not taking her medications was far greater then her taking them, Amy felt otherwise. She had no problem letting the doctor know that she felt his medical knowledge was "questionable" and that she would take his advice "under consideration". The doctor instructed Amy to be cautious and had suggested that she at least take a lower dosage and not just stop cold turkey, but Amy would not hear of it. Scott had no idea that she had stopped her medications and at one point had asked her if possibly her medications needed adjusting as her mood swings were becoming more severe. Amy assured him that her dosage was fine and that her mood swings were a normal part of fluctuating hormones. She never mentioned that she was no longer taking anything except a prenatal vitamin.

Amy delivered a healthy baby boy by C-section . Terri and Bruce were on cloud nine. Terri made arrangements to go and spend a few weeks helping out Amy while she recovered as Scott could not take time off. When Terri arrived she noted that Amy seemed distant and agitated. Terri felt this was probably due to "baby-blues" and lack of sleep. Terri tried to be understanding and patient with Amy. It didn't seem to help.

Amy was also bad mouthing Scott to Terri. According to Amy, Scott should "man-up" to his C.O. She felt it was "bullshit" that Scott could not get time off. Amy was also certain that Scott's C.O. was covering up for Scott's so-called affairs. According to Amy everyone on base was having affairs and everyone covered up for one another. No one with a penis was to be trusted. Terri tried to make light of it and assured Amy that nothing could be further from the truth, but Amy would have no part of it.

The two weeks that Terri spent helping Amy were difficult. Amy frequently had outbursts and her rage was relentless. When Andy would cry, Amy would insist that Terri and Scott leave him to "cry it out". Amy stated that under no circumstances would she raise a spoiled child. Amy wanted the baby on a strict schedule. There was to be no fluctuation. Again, Amy became robot-like with her mothering duties. Amy was also becoming suspicious of Terri. Amy felt that Terri was going to try to kidnap Andy.

Scott placed a phone call to Amy's doctor about Amy's erratic behavior. The doctor asked Scott if Amy had started back on her medications? It was only then that Scott learned of Amy's discontinuing her medications during her pregnancy. When Scott confronted Amy about this, Amy flew into a rage. It was just the beginning of many rages.....

-S.Spade

A marriage made in Heaven???

Newlyweds.

It was almost immediately after Scott and Amy's wedding that the two moved out of state where Scott was stationed to begin his military career. The couple set up house on the military base. Nothing fancy, but first homes seldom are.

Amy was busy in the medical field, pursuing her career and contemplating furthering her education.

It appeared that both the bride and groom were eager to settle in to their new roles. No plans of children in the near future and they were carefully making plans to further both careers and start a nest egg.

But appearances can be deceiving.

Amy had a quick temper.

This was something apparent from the very beginning of their relationship.

Not only did Amy have a temper, she had a very controlling personality.

It was also clear that Amy wanted and demanded her own way in life.

Negotiation was not an option.

Amy told people what to do. She never asked, she told.

This is a trait that stemmed back to her childhood .

Amy played her parents as if they were her puppets.

It appeared she was daddy's little girl.

What she wanted, she got.

Her relationship with her mother seemed cold.

The two were often fighting.

Amy and her mother would cuss each other out on a regular basis.

What I found odd was when Amy and Scott were engaged, her mother really wanted nothing to do with planning her daughter's wedding.

Even stranger, Amy really did not want much to do with the wedding details either.

Instead, she asked Scott's mother to handle everything indicating that she was either too busy or simply too tired.

Terri dutifully planned each detail of the wedding.

And when Amy had meltdowns, it was Terri who shouldered the brunt of Amy's wrath.

Terri bit her tongue and fluffed off Amy's behavior as nervous bride syndrome.

The morning of the wedding, Amy bolted unannounced into Terri and Bruce's house and flew into a rage as things were not going quite her way.

She never noticed the house full of relatives. If she did, she certainly didn't care.

Amy came through the front door, guns blazing.

Screaming and carrying on to the point that my other sister, Judy, became quite uncomfortable with the situation. Judy, living out of state, had never met Amy except for the wedding shower.

And to Judy, this wasn't at all the picture she had imagined of the bride-to-be on her wedding day.

After Amy's outburst, she left for the church as if nothing was unusual about her behavior. Judy mentioned something to Terri about Amy's outburst.

It was clear that Terri was embarrassed, but she stated that Amy was probably just nervous. She hurried everyone off to the church and it was obvious that she wanted to end the conversation. The wedding went off without a hitch.

About a month into the marriage Scott made a call to Bruce and Terri.

Terri noticed that something was bothering Scott.

When she asked if something was wrong, Scott indicated that indeed, there was.

Scott stated that he felt he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

Terri thought that he was referring to his military career, as Scott was getting ready to be deployed.

Scott stated that no, it had nothing to do with the military.

It had to do with Amy and the marriage.

Amy's moods ran hot and cold.

One moment she could be happy then fly into a rage the next.

It was also at that time Terri learned from Scott that Amy was bi-polar.

She was on medications, but she often did not take her medications as prescribed.

Scott was frustrated and clearly unhappy.

He was beginning to look at his upcoming deployment as a welcome break from the fighting at home.

Terry and Bruce tried to offer advice.

Indicating that the first year of marriage is often the most difficult.

After all, they had just moved across country and Scott would soon be deployed. Amy would be by herself away from her family. Amy was bound to be somewhat upset and nervous.

But Scott was not so sure.

"Maybe it would be better to throw the towel in now", Scott stated.

Terry and Bruce told him to think things over carefully before making any decisions.

Give it some time. If ultimately Scott felt that this was a mistake, then he could make the decision. Either way, Terri and Bruce would support him. Scott agreed and planned to re-evaluate the relationship once he returned from his deployment.

Upon his return, he placed a weary call to his parents.

"How are things going, Scott"?

There was an unusually long pause before Scott answered their question.

"Amy just announced she is pregnant, so much for divorce".

-S.Spade