Demotion and Deployment

Scott arrived on base to report for duty.

Just as he had feared, his C.O. called him to his office.

The look on the officers face was a clear indication of the frustration of his position.

He had a job to do; yet he regretted having to make such a decision.

Scott, there are just some things that can not be tolerated and are not acceptable. You hold a high ranking position and with that comes responsibility. Both military and personal. You have to see to it that all areas of your life are in order. Clearly, you family life is lacking. I am not certain what is taking place, however, you were warned with the last incident that this was not acceptable. As such, you are being placed on notice that you will be demoted if this ever happens again.

Scott understood the severity of the reprimand.

Sir, I understand. I want to let you know that I am doing everything possible to find a solution. I assure you, this will not happen again.

Later that day Scott was notified that his deployment would be taking place and that he had 10 days to get his personal life in order. Scott would be deployed for a six month tour.

The thought of being away from Andy made Scott's heart sink. Amy's behavior was so uncertain. Up until now, Scott was home each day. He was in close range of handling any situation and although he worried daily about Amy with respect to Andy, at least he was home.
If Amy showed signs of instability, he could step in. This would soon change. He would be far away with little contact. Scott felt helpless. Talking with Amy just produced chaos. Talking with Amy's doctors was not an option as HIPPA laws prevented this. Although Amy's behavior was eratic, she had never caused harm to Andy. This prevented Scott from seeking any outside help to intervine. Scott was in a catch 22 situation.

Terri was waiting for Scott when he arrived home that evening. Terri had arrived earlier in the day and Amy was not at all happy with her arrival. Terri tried to diffuse Amy's displeasure by indicating that she came in to offer help and moral support to Amy. Terri indicated that with Scott's upcoming deployment she felt that Amy would be lonesome and needing occasional breaks from Andy. That seemed to satisfy Amy for the moment. Terri indicated to Amy that she would happily watch Andy and suggested that Amy take the afternoon to enjoy a little time away from the house. Amy happily took Terri up on her offer and packed a bag to spend the day at the beach.

When Scott walked in the door Terri was surprised at how gaunt Scott was looking. Clearly the stress was not only taking an emotional drain on Scott; but also a physical one. Terri indicated that she was concerned but Scott assured her that he would be fine.

I just need to know that Andy will be alright while I'm away, Mom.

Terri assured Scott that Andy would be fine. Terri and Bruce had already discussed that either Terri would stay with Amy while Scott was gone or they would offer their lake cottage to Amy and bring her and Andy home while Scott was away.

That night at dinner, Terri asked Amy if she would like to spend time at the lake cottage. To everyones surprise, Amy tought it would be a great idea.

I'll be able to visit with my family and it will be nice to relax at the lake house with Andy. Amy also added that it would be nice for Andy to have some extra time with his grandparents. Terri agreed.

Over the next week, Terri helped Scott ready himself for his deployment and helped Amy pack for the trip back home. Everything went surprisingly calm. They waved Scott off and wished him well. Later that day, Terri, Amy and Andy packed up Scott's van and ventured off on the long drive back home. Terri held her breath and prayed that the ride home would be a pleasant, uneventful trip. It was a prayer that went unanswered....

-S.Spade

Humiliation

Amy's behavior became increasingly outrageous.

And Scott seemed to be the brunt of her anger.

It seemed as if there would never be a peaceful marriage for the couple.

And it was becoming more obvious that when there was an occasional calm period,

Amy would get unsettled.

It was clear that Amy could only survive in chaos.

Amy was also displaying more erratic behavior at work.

And it wasn't long until the director of nursing called Amy into her office.

There were numerous complaints about Amy not only from the doctors,

but also her co-workers.

It was at this meeting that Amy was given a choice to either resign or they would terminate her employment.

Amy resigned, but she had no problem voicing her opinion of the caliber of physicians that she worked under. In Amy's opinion they were all inadequate. She was glad to be moving on.

That evening Amy told Scott that she had resigned.

Scott was relieved, as he was about to be deployed and with Amy now at home, daycare wouldn't be a problem.

Surprisingly, Amy agreed with Scott.

She almost seemed excited to be able to become a full time mother to Andy.

Something that no one had seen in Amy before.

For a moment, Scott thought that this resignation might be the answer that they were all looking for.

During the first week Amy seemed happy.

They lived close to the beach and Amy would pack up little Andy and spend the afternoons with him playing in the sand.

Amy was also dabbling in photography, so shooting Andy playing at the beach seemed to satisfy her creative side.

Scott was coming home from work to what resembled a normal family atmosphere.

And for a brief moment, things were looking up.

The week before Scott was to be deployed, things took a turn for the worse.

Scott was on duty and was about two hours into his shift.

His commanding officer called for Scott to immediately report to his office.

Upon arriving at the C.O.'s office, Scott opened the door.

In the middle of the floor sat Andy along with a diaper bag and some toys, as well as the car seat.

Amy had dropped Andy off at the base.

A heated argument ensued between the C.O. and Amy.

Amy demanded to see Scott.

She announced that Andy was Scott's responsibility for the day.

Scott's C.O. stated that he was not about to tolerate Amy's demands and that she was to immediately leave the base or the M.P. would escort her away.

Amy turned on her heel and stated that indeed she would leave but not with Andy.

Amy proceeded to her car and left leaving Andy behind.

Scott was horrified and humiliated.

Scott's C.O. pulled him from duty and told him to go home and take care of his affairs.

Scott apologized, but to no avail.

And he knew that there would be serious consequences, after all this was not the first time that Amy had done this.

When Scott arrived home he called Terri and Bruce.

Terri could tell by the tone of his voice that something was seriously wrong.

Scott told Terri about what had taken place.

And Terri became furious.

Bruce got on he phone with his son.

He insisted that Scott get Amy into a doctor for evaluation.

Scott agreed, something was seriously wrong.

And it needed to be addressed before Scott was deployed.

Scott decided to take Andy over to a friends house for the evening. He knew that the evening with Amy was not going to be good and he didn't want it to upset Andy. Kathy and Jim were good friends and understood. They gladly took Andy for the evening.

Amy arrived back home early that evening.

She bolted through the front door, her arms packed with shopping bags.

She was not just happy, she was giddy.

It was as if the entire day had gone normal.

Her behavior was so bizarre that is stunned Scott.

Amy,do you want to tell me what happened today?

Scott's voice shook as he spoke.

Amy looked at Scott dismayed.

Nothing happened Scott, Amy replied.

Nothing? Amy, what the hell do you mean nothing?

You dumped Andy at the base, you got into an argument with my C.O., and I am going to be in serious trouble tomorrow when I report for duty!

Amy turned and threw one of the bags at Scott.

I deserve a day off Scott, just like you do.

And today was MY day off.

Your C.O. is a pompous asshole.

He probably treats his wife like a door mat and she probably takes it.

Well, I am not a door mat and I won't take it from you or that bastard C.O. of yours.

Scott asked Amy if she had been taking her medications.

It was a question that Scott soon regretted asking.

Amy became more enraged then Scott had ever seen.

Medications? You think that I am some kind of a freak don't you Scott?

And I'm sure your mother has been coaching you.

I'm sure she has told you that I am unstable.

Tell me Scott, does your mother think that I should be in a mental hospital too?

It was at that time that Amy picked up the phone and called Terri.

So Terri, do you think I am an unfit mother?

Your son does. And your son thinks I need medication.

Well let me tell you about your son. He is having an affair.

And it's not the first time. I know that he has had a few girlfriends. He claims that he is going to work, but I know he is calling in sick. So Terri, what so you think of your precious son now?

Terri was stunned. Amy was making no sense. Terri asked Amy if she was with Andy. Amy responded by saying yes, she was with Andy. Then she screamed at Terri that she didn't have to worry, she wasn't a child abuser like Scott.

Scott took the phone from Amy.

He told Terri that he would call her back later. Scott let Terri know that Andy was not at home and to please not worry.

But that was all Terri could do.

Terri hung up the phone and looked at Bruce.

Things are worse then we ever expected.

And I don't know how Scott is keeping his sanity, Bruce.

It was at that time that Terri and Bruce decided that Terri would take the next plane out.

-S.Spade

Pregnancy, motherhood and madness

There was an uncomfortable silence on the phone.

Amy's pregnant?

Another long pause...Yeah mom, she's pregnant...not exactly the best timing, eh?

Something tells me she stopped taking her birth control pills.

Scott, are you sure she was ever on the pill?

Another pause...

Mom, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure of anything right now. All I am sure of is that I can't even consider a break up. I have a responsibility to take care of her and the baby. Who knows, maybe this will bring us closer together, something to celebrate. And you and dad will be awesome grandparents!

Terri agreed, they would be awesome grandparents. But she worried about the marriage. There were problems from the start. And children, although a blessing, seldom are the answer to a rocky relationship.

During the pregnancy, Amy's behaviors became more erratic.

One moment, she would be raising cane about her career.

In no uncertain terms she let Scott know that she was not about to throw all her schooling in the dumper simply because of a child. She expected to continue working and she expected to further her education. In the next breath she would scream about how unfair it would be for her to have to work and be a mother. She also became increasingly jealous. She accused Scott of having affairs and wanted to know his whereabouts at all times. When Scott would be scheduled for duty it was not uncommon for Amy to call his commanding officer to inquire if Scott was in fact scheduled for work. Scott was often reprimanded by his C.O. for these incidents and he tried his best to curtail Amy's outbursts. When Amy wasn't calling Scott's commanding officers, she would call his cell phone repeatedly. It wasn't uncommon for Scott to have 20-30 messages from Amy on any given day.

Amy also didn't fit the typical scenario of a first time mommy-to-be. Most women happily discuss their pregnancy, look forward to picking out layette items and spend hours finding the perfect name for their baby. Not the case with Amy. She rarely discussed her pregnancy. There was no "glow". She almost seemed annoyed with the entire process. She clearly was not impressed with her baby shower. Most mother's ohh and ahh over all the baby gifts. Amy was almost robot-like. No emotion. Take card off of gift, open envelope, briefly read who the gift was from, remove wrapping paper, open box, look, close box, move to next item...

And it was noted by the guests that she seemed less than excited. Not your typical baby shower. When Amy was asked how she liked being pregnant her response was "it's a means to an end"...

It wasn't learned until after her pregnancy that Amy, against medical advice, stopped taking all her medications. Although the doctor had assured Amy that the risk of not taking her medications was far greater then her taking them, Amy felt otherwise. She had no problem letting the doctor know that she felt his medical knowledge was "questionable" and that she would take his advice "under consideration". The doctor instructed Amy to be cautious and had suggested that she at least take a lower dosage and not just stop cold turkey, but Amy would not hear of it. Scott had no idea that she had stopped her medications and at one point had asked her if possibly her medications needed adjusting as her mood swings were becoming more severe. Amy assured him that her dosage was fine and that her mood swings were a normal part of fluctuating hormones. She never mentioned that she was no longer taking anything except a prenatal vitamin.

Amy delivered a healthy baby boy by C-section . Terri and Bruce were on cloud nine. Terri made arrangements to go and spend a few weeks helping out Amy while she recovered as Scott could not take time off. When Terri arrived she noted that Amy seemed distant and agitated. Terri felt this was probably due to "baby-blues" and lack of sleep. Terri tried to be understanding and patient with Amy. It didn't seem to help.

Amy was also bad mouthing Scott to Terri. According to Amy, Scott should "man-up" to his C.O. She felt it was "bullshit" that Scott could not get time off. Amy was also certain that Scott's C.O. was covering up for Scott's so-called affairs. According to Amy everyone on base was having affairs and everyone covered up for one another. No one with a penis was to be trusted. Terri tried to make light of it and assured Amy that nothing could be further from the truth, but Amy would have no part of it.

The two weeks that Terri spent helping Amy were difficult. Amy frequently had outbursts and her rage was relentless. When Andy would cry, Amy would insist that Terri and Scott leave him to "cry it out". Amy stated that under no circumstances would she raise a spoiled child. Amy wanted the baby on a strict schedule. There was to be no fluctuation. Again, Amy became robot-like with her mothering duties. Amy was also becoming suspicious of Terri. Amy felt that Terri was going to try to kidnap Andy.

Scott placed a phone call to Amy's doctor about Amy's erratic behavior. The doctor asked Scott if Amy had started back on her medications? It was only then that Scott learned of Amy's discontinuing her medications during her pregnancy. When Scott confronted Amy about this, Amy flew into a rage. It was just the beginning of many rages.....

-S.Spade

A marriage made in Heaven???

Newlyweds.

It was almost immediately after Scott and Amy's wedding that the two moved out of state where Scott was stationed to begin his military career. The couple set up house on the military base. Nothing fancy, but first homes seldom are.

Amy was busy in the medical field, pursuing her career and contemplating furthering her education.

It appeared that both the bride and groom were eager to settle in to their new roles. No plans of children in the near future and they were carefully making plans to further both careers and start a nest egg.

But appearances can be deceiving.

Amy had a quick temper.

This was something apparent from the very beginning of their relationship.

Not only did Amy have a temper, she had a very controlling personality.

It was also clear that Amy wanted and demanded her own way in life.

Negotiation was not an option.

Amy told people what to do. She never asked, she told.

This is a trait that stemmed back to her childhood .

Amy played her parents as if they were her puppets.

It appeared she was daddy's little girl.

What she wanted, she got.

Her relationship with her mother seemed cold.

The two were often fighting.

Amy and her mother would cuss each other out on a regular basis.

What I found odd was when Amy and Scott were engaged, her mother really wanted nothing to do with planning her daughter's wedding.

Even stranger, Amy really did not want much to do with the wedding details either.

Instead, she asked Scott's mother to handle everything indicating that she was either too busy or simply too tired.

Terri dutifully planned each detail of the wedding.

And when Amy had meltdowns, it was Terri who shouldered the brunt of Amy's wrath.

Terri bit her tongue and fluffed off Amy's behavior as nervous bride syndrome.

The morning of the wedding, Amy bolted unannounced into Terri and Bruce's house and flew into a rage as things were not going quite her way.

She never noticed the house full of relatives. If she did, she certainly didn't care.

Amy came through the front door, guns blazing.

Screaming and carrying on to the point that my other sister, Judy, became quite uncomfortable with the situation. Judy, living out of state, had never met Amy except for the wedding shower.

And to Judy, this wasn't at all the picture she had imagined of the bride-to-be on her wedding day.

After Amy's outburst, she left for the church as if nothing was unusual about her behavior. Judy mentioned something to Terri about Amy's outburst.

It was clear that Terri was embarrassed, but she stated that Amy was probably just nervous. She hurried everyone off to the church and it was obvious that she wanted to end the conversation. The wedding went off without a hitch.

About a month into the marriage Scott made a call to Bruce and Terri.

Terri noticed that something was bothering Scott.

When she asked if something was wrong, Scott indicated that indeed, there was.

Scott stated that he felt he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

Terri thought that he was referring to his military career, as Scott was getting ready to be deployed.

Scott stated that no, it had nothing to do with the military.

It had to do with Amy and the marriage.

Amy's moods ran hot and cold.

One moment she could be happy then fly into a rage the next.

It was also at that time Terri learned from Scott that Amy was bi-polar.

She was on medications, but she often did not take her medications as prescribed.

Scott was frustrated and clearly unhappy.

He was beginning to look at his upcoming deployment as a welcome break from the fighting at home.

Terry and Bruce tried to offer advice.

Indicating that the first year of marriage is often the most difficult.

After all, they had just moved across country and Scott would soon be deployed. Amy would be by herself away from her family. Amy was bound to be somewhat upset and nervous.

But Scott was not so sure.

"Maybe it would be better to throw the towel in now", Scott stated.

Terry and Bruce told him to think things over carefully before making any decisions.

Give it some time. If ultimately Scott felt that this was a mistake, then he could make the decision. Either way, Terri and Bruce would support him. Scott agreed and planned to re-evaluate the relationship once he returned from his deployment.

Upon his return, he placed a weary call to his parents.

"How are things going, Scott"?

There was an unusually long pause before Scott answered their question.

"Amy just announced she is pregnant, so much for divorce".

-S.Spade