Demotion and Deployment

Scott arrived on base to report for duty.

Just as he had feared, his C.O. called him to his office.

The look on the officers face was a clear indication of the frustration of his position.

He had a job to do; yet he regretted having to make such a decision.

Scott, there are just some things that can not be tolerated and are not acceptable. You hold a high ranking position and with that comes responsibility. Both military and personal. You have to see to it that all areas of your life are in order. Clearly, you family life is lacking. I am not certain what is taking place, however, you were warned with the last incident that this was not acceptable. As such, you are being placed on notice that you will be demoted if this ever happens again.

Scott understood the severity of the reprimand.

Sir, I understand. I want to let you know that I am doing everything possible to find a solution. I assure you, this will not happen again.

Later that day Scott was notified that his deployment would be taking place and that he had 10 days to get his personal life in order. Scott would be deployed for a six month tour.

The thought of being away from Andy made Scott's heart sink. Amy's behavior was so uncertain. Up until now, Scott was home each day. He was in close range of handling any situation and although he worried daily about Amy with respect to Andy, at least he was home.
If Amy showed signs of instability, he could step in. This would soon change. He would be far away with little contact. Scott felt helpless. Talking with Amy just produced chaos. Talking with Amy's doctors was not an option as HIPPA laws prevented this. Although Amy's behavior was eratic, she had never caused harm to Andy. This prevented Scott from seeking any outside help to intervine. Scott was in a catch 22 situation.

Terri was waiting for Scott when he arrived home that evening. Terri had arrived earlier in the day and Amy was not at all happy with her arrival. Terri tried to diffuse Amy's displeasure by indicating that she came in to offer help and moral support to Amy. Terri indicated that with Scott's upcoming deployment she felt that Amy would be lonesome and needing occasional breaks from Andy. That seemed to satisfy Amy for the moment. Terri indicated to Amy that she would happily watch Andy and suggested that Amy take the afternoon to enjoy a little time away from the house. Amy happily took Terri up on her offer and packed a bag to spend the day at the beach.

When Scott walked in the door Terri was surprised at how gaunt Scott was looking. Clearly the stress was not only taking an emotional drain on Scott; but also a physical one. Terri indicated that she was concerned but Scott assured her that he would be fine.

I just need to know that Andy will be alright while I'm away, Mom.

Terri assured Scott that Andy would be fine. Terri and Bruce had already discussed that either Terri would stay with Amy while Scott was gone or they would offer their lake cottage to Amy and bring her and Andy home while Scott was away.

That night at dinner, Terri asked Amy if she would like to spend time at the lake cottage. To everyones surprise, Amy tought it would be a great idea.

I'll be able to visit with my family and it will be nice to relax at the lake house with Andy. Amy also added that it would be nice for Andy to have some extra time with his grandparents. Terri agreed.

Over the next week, Terri helped Scott ready himself for his deployment and helped Amy pack for the trip back home. Everything went surprisingly calm. They waved Scott off and wished him well. Later that day, Terri, Amy and Andy packed up Scott's van and ventured off on the long drive back home. Terri held her breath and prayed that the ride home would be a pleasant, uneventful trip. It was a prayer that went unanswered....

-S.Spade

INTERMISSION

It is at this time that I would like to first thank you for reading this story.

I know that you have been wondering if this is a true story, or just a writer pounding out a new book.

It is at this time that I share with you, my readers, that this is in fact an actual and true story.

Not only a true story, but one that my family is in the middle of.

I have changed the names of those involved for legal reasons.

My sister is Terri, my nephew is Scott.

This is a story that played out for almost one decade and ended tragically.

We are all in counseling and riddled with grief.

The reason for writing this story is to bring awareness to suicide and to deal with my grief.

But it is also an attempt to shed light that someone can be driven to suicide...

And when that happens, should the culprit be held accountable for the person's death?

Can someone else be legally responsible for causing another to take their own life?

If so, should they be punished as a murderer?

Thank you for your support.

-S.Spade

Humiliation

Amy's behavior became increasingly outrageous.

And Scott seemed to be the brunt of her anger.

It seemed as if there would never be a peaceful marriage for the couple.

And it was becoming more obvious that when there was an occasional calm period,

Amy would get unsettled.

It was clear that Amy could only survive in chaos.

Amy was also displaying more erratic behavior at work.

And it wasn't long until the director of nursing called Amy into her office.

There were numerous complaints about Amy not only from the doctors,

but also her co-workers.

It was at this meeting that Amy was given a choice to either resign or they would terminate her employment.

Amy resigned, but she had no problem voicing her opinion of the caliber of physicians that she worked under. In Amy's opinion they were all inadequate. She was glad to be moving on.

That evening Amy told Scott that she had resigned.

Scott was relieved, as he was about to be deployed and with Amy now at home, daycare wouldn't be a problem.

Surprisingly, Amy agreed with Scott.

She almost seemed excited to be able to become a full time mother to Andy.

Something that no one had seen in Amy before.

For a moment, Scott thought that this resignation might be the answer that they were all looking for.

During the first week Amy seemed happy.

They lived close to the beach and Amy would pack up little Andy and spend the afternoons with him playing in the sand.

Amy was also dabbling in photography, so shooting Andy playing at the beach seemed to satisfy her creative side.

Scott was coming home from work to what resembled a normal family atmosphere.

And for a brief moment, things were looking up.

The week before Scott was to be deployed, things took a turn for the worse.

Scott was on duty and was about two hours into his shift.

His commanding officer called for Scott to immediately report to his office.

Upon arriving at the C.O.'s office, Scott opened the door.

In the middle of the floor sat Andy along with a diaper bag and some toys, as well as the car seat.

Amy had dropped Andy off at the base.

A heated argument ensued between the C.O. and Amy.

Amy demanded to see Scott.

She announced that Andy was Scott's responsibility for the day.

Scott's C.O. stated that he was not about to tolerate Amy's demands and that she was to immediately leave the base or the M.P. would escort her away.

Amy turned on her heel and stated that indeed she would leave but not with Andy.

Amy proceeded to her car and left leaving Andy behind.

Scott was horrified and humiliated.

Scott's C.O. pulled him from duty and told him to go home and take care of his affairs.

Scott apologized, but to no avail.

And he knew that there would be serious consequences, after all this was not the first time that Amy had done this.

When Scott arrived home he called Terri and Bruce.

Terri could tell by the tone of his voice that something was seriously wrong.

Scott told Terri about what had taken place.

And Terri became furious.

Bruce got on he phone with his son.

He insisted that Scott get Amy into a doctor for evaluation.

Scott agreed, something was seriously wrong.

And it needed to be addressed before Scott was deployed.

Scott decided to take Andy over to a friends house for the evening. He knew that the evening with Amy was not going to be good and he didn't want it to upset Andy. Kathy and Jim were good friends and understood. They gladly took Andy for the evening.

Amy arrived back home early that evening.

She bolted through the front door, her arms packed with shopping bags.

She was not just happy, she was giddy.

It was as if the entire day had gone normal.

Her behavior was so bizarre that is stunned Scott.

Amy,do you want to tell me what happened today?

Scott's voice shook as he spoke.

Amy looked at Scott dismayed.

Nothing happened Scott, Amy replied.

Nothing? Amy, what the hell do you mean nothing?

You dumped Andy at the base, you got into an argument with my C.O., and I am going to be in serious trouble tomorrow when I report for duty!

Amy turned and threw one of the bags at Scott.

I deserve a day off Scott, just like you do.

And today was MY day off.

Your C.O. is a pompous asshole.

He probably treats his wife like a door mat and she probably takes it.

Well, I am not a door mat and I won't take it from you or that bastard C.O. of yours.

Scott asked Amy if she had been taking her medications.

It was a question that Scott soon regretted asking.

Amy became more enraged then Scott had ever seen.

Medications? You think that I am some kind of a freak don't you Scott?

And I'm sure your mother has been coaching you.

I'm sure she has told you that I am unstable.

Tell me Scott, does your mother think that I should be in a mental hospital too?

It was at that time that Amy picked up the phone and called Terri.

So Terri, do you think I am an unfit mother?

Your son does. And your son thinks I need medication.

Well let me tell you about your son. He is having an affair.

And it's not the first time. I know that he has had a few girlfriends. He claims that he is going to work, but I know he is calling in sick. So Terri, what so you think of your precious son now?

Terri was stunned. Amy was making no sense. Terri asked Amy if she was with Andy. Amy responded by saying yes, she was with Andy. Then she screamed at Terri that she didn't have to worry, she wasn't a child abuser like Scott.

Scott took the phone from Amy.

He told Terri that he would call her back later. Scott let Terri know that Andy was not at home and to please not worry.

But that was all Terri could do.

Terri hung up the phone and looked at Bruce.

Things are worse then we ever expected.

And I don't know how Scott is keeping his sanity, Bruce.

It was at that time that Terri and Bruce decided that Terri would take the next plane out.

-S.Spade

Chaos and Turmoil

Terri arrived to find Scott looking weary. She noted that Scott had also lost considerable weight.

When she asked Scott what was causing this, he tried to shrug it off. Terri persisted and Scott finally broke down.

Scott told Terri about Amy's outbursts and irrational behavior. Although Amy was no longer breast feeding, she was still off all of her medications. It seemed that no matter what Scott suggested, Amy went against the grain. At one point Scott confided to Terri that he felt as if Amy was trying to break him. Almost as if she were enjoying all the chaos. Amy's parents were of little help. This was just Amy...the way she had always been, so to them this was normal Amy behavior.

To make matters worse, Scott was about to be deployed. He feared that the worst had yet to come. Amy wasn't about to change her schedule and Terri couldn't stay forever. They still weren't sure if the nanny would even be coming back.

Terri became angry. She insisted that Scott call Amy's doctor. Scott told Terri that he had done just that, however, the doctor would not talk to Scott about Amy stating that HIPPA laws prevented him from discussing the matter.

HIPPA laws, screamed Terri. For God sakes, she's your wife! What kind of idiot doctor refuses to talk to a husband about his wife? Scott tried to calm Terri down. Mom, Amy put it in her chart that he can't talk to me. It's not his fault.

But what about her mental state, Scott? What about Andy, and what about how this is affecting you? All Scott could do was shrug his shoulders.

Scott confided in Terri about his fears that Amy's actions were going to negatively impact his career. And Scott was humiliated when Amy dropped Andy off at the base.

Terri was outraged. What the hell does she think she's doing? This isn't normal Scott.

I know Mom, but my hands are tied.

Scott went off to work and Terri tended to Andy. Terri was worried about Scott, he was a pack of nerves. But it was nice to be with Andy. And Andy was loving all the attention from Terri.

Amy arrived home after her shift at the hospital. She stormed through the front door past Terri. Is there any coffee left, I've had a hell of a shift! Terri offered her a cup.

Hard night in the I.C.U. Amy?

Only with the stupid doctors, Amy replied. Amy spouted off about how she was given orders to administer a medication to a patient. Amy approached the doctor and stated that she didn't agree with his diagnosis. She let the doctor know that in her opinion, he was using a less than adequate medication. A heated argument arose between the doctor and Amy. Another nurse was called in to administer to the patient. Amy was told that there would be disciplinary action taken and the doctor had her leave the floor.

Amy, Terri said, you can't question the doctor like that.

Oh yes I can, stated Amy. And I DID! These doctors think they know everything. Well, I'm here to tell you they don't. And if they don't like my opinion, then they can screw themselves. The other nurses run scared. They talk behind the doctors backs but they never have the guts to stand up to the bastards. Well not me. I don't back down. Especially when I know I'm right.

Amy, Terri said, you could loose your job.

Amy gave Terri a cold, long stare. If they know what's good for them, they won't go there. The last thing anyone wants to do is cross my path...

Terri knew from the cold chill down her back that Amy's wrath wasn't something anyone wanted...

-S. Spade

Standing Off

It was becoming more clear to Scott that Amy had drawn a deep line in the sand.

Amy wanted things her way, with no variations.

Scott begged Amy to take another shift. Amy refused. And this left them with no immediate childcare for Andy. They were unsure if or when their nanny would return and the agency would not be able to provide a replacement for a few days.

Scott tried to talk sense into Amy. He tried to reason with her indicating that he was at the mercy of the military. The hospital would allow Amy any shift that she wanted as there was a nursing shortage. Amy could pick her hours. It would settle all their daycare problems. They could place Andy into a regular daycare setting and Amy would be home each evening to care for Andy when Scott was deployed. Unfortunately this all fell on deaf ears. Amy was not about to give up her shift. She let Scott know that he needed to line up reinforcements quickly.

Out of desperation, Scott called home and talked to Terri and Bruce. It was discussed that Terri would come out and care for Andy for a few weeks. This would allow their regular nanny the time she needed with her family. Terri indicated that she could be out in two days, but no sooner. Scott understood.

When Scott got off the phone with Terri, he let Amy know about the plans. Amy immediately flew into a rage. She did not want Terri spoiling Andy and she was not keen that Terri would be spending unsupervised time with Andy.

Scott questioned Amy as to why she disliked his mother. Terri had always been very good to Amy. And both Terri and Bruce had been wonderful grandparents. They called daily and it seemed that a week didn't go by when the UPS truck didn't show up with something for Andy.

All Amy could say is that they "owed" it to them. After all their son was serving his country and she felt it was the very least they could do considering that the military paid very little.

Amy had the next day off of work. However, there would be an extra day before Terri was due to come into town. This meant that someone would need to watch Andy. Scott asked Amy if she would call and see if she could switch a day with someone or take a compensatory day off.

Amy flew into a rage. She wanted to know why Scott felt that she should automatically be the one to take off. Scott tried to reason with her, he once again indicated that he couldn't call off.

Amy suggested he call in sick. Scott stated that the military just doesn't operate that way, if he were sick, he still had to report for duty and then go to the infirmary. Scott finally told Amy enough was enough and that she would have to take the time off. Amy turned on her heel and grabbed a coffee mug from the counter. In one swipe, she threw the mug at Scott. It hit Scott on the shoulder. Scott was angry and felt it was in everyone's best interest that he sleep in the barracks that evening. He packed a duffle bag and left for the night. As he walked out the door Amy screamed at him that he was "no man" and slammed the door behind Scott.

The next day came and went, Scott worked his shift and came home. Amy seemed as if nothing had happened the night before and Scott didn't dare bring up the past. Amy asked Scott when Terri would be arriving and Scott let her know she would be in late the next evening. After dinner, Scott gave Andy his bath and put him to bed. Amy and Scott watched the news and called it a night. The next morning things seemed calm. They played with Andy and after lunch, Scott went to leave for duty. As Scott was about to leave, Amy came down the stairs dressed for work. Scott was shocked. Certainly Amy knew that Scott couldn't watch Andy. After all, they had argued about it just the other evening. Scott threw his hands in the air. Amy, I have to go. You'll just need to call off of work. With that, Scott closed the door and left.

Scott was on duty about 15 minutes when his C.O. approached him. He was letting Scott know that Amy had just dropped Andy off and left. Scott was beside himself. Scott's C.O. was less than pleased and let Scott know that this had better not happen again. Scott collected Andy and took him home, humiliated. This was just the beginning........

-S. Spade

Negotiation is not an option

Almost immediately after Andy was born, Amy insisted on returning to work.

Financially, there was really no reason.  Scott was an officer, so his pay covered the couples expenses.

But Amy wanted her freedom; her "rights" as she referred to it.

Andy would be just fine in an all-day daycare.

He was barely four weeks old and as Amy saw things, he would adjust.

Scott felt torn.

He didn't want to hold Amy back.

But he also felt sorry for Andy.

Would he get the attention that a newborn required from being in a daycare setting?

Sure, many families place their children in daycare and they do just fine.

But to Scott, Andy was so new and small.

And the world was such a big place.

Amy had set her mind to it that staying home even a few more weeks was NOT an option.

And within days she interviewed and was hired at a prominent hospital.

She met Scott at the door the day she accepted her position.

 

I start work in 3 days, and the pay is more then you'll EVER make!

She smiled, turned on her heel and gave Scott a coy little laugh.

She seemed happy and excited.

That's great, Amy!

Then Scott asked the question:

What day care have you found for Andy?

Immediately, Amy flew into a rage.

You can't even congratulate me!

You can't even ask how the interview went, what their impression of me was?

The world doesn't revolve around you and Andy.

I have a life too!

Scott was caught off guard.

Amy, I'm happy for you and I'm proud of you.  I just wasn't aware that you had interviewed daycare centers yet.

Amy snapped back.

Daycare centers are everywhere you look.

But they aren't going to help us.

I'm going to work midnights.

When you get home, you can take care of Andy.

Scott was shocked.

They had never discussed Amy working midnights.

And with Scott being in the military his shifts rotated.

Amy, why midnights?

Because, I don't like days.

Day shifts in the hospital are a bitch.

Those holier-then- thou  doctors are always breathing down your back.

They all think they are demi-gods.

They saunter in for a few hours, make their rounds and act like Saviour's to their patients. They treat the nursing staff like crap, like we are their slaves. I am NOT going into that environment. No one is going to look down their nose at me.  At night,  "I"  call the shots. I don't need to answer to those arrogant bastards.

But Amy, what happens when I'm up for  midnight rotation?  

Then YOU'LL have to figure something out, won't you?

Why is it my problem?  Why should I have to work MY schedule around your career, Scott?

Amy, you knew I was military before we married.  We discussed how I was going to make this a career, stay with it until retirement.  A military career isn't a 9:00 to 5:00 job.  You said you understood. You said you wanted to do your part just as much as me.

Well, it's not my problem, Scott.  My schedule isn't going to change. I'll have the same hours and the same days.  No surprises. I would suggest that you get busy and figure out how you are going to take care of Andy when your shift changes.

Amy, be reasonable.  You can work days and there are daycare centers that can provide for Andy. You can still have your career.  Amy, what happens when I get deployed again?  You know it is going to happen.

Well Scott, it looks like you have your homework cut out for you...

Amy settled into her job, and Scott fell into his routine with Andy.

And for several weeks, things went uneventful.

That was until Scott was placed on rotation.

Amy suggested that Scott find an overnight sitter.

Scott placed a call to an agency.  He felt that an agency would provide a higher quality nanny.

And they would do the appropriate background checks and such.  After all, Scott wasn't going to let just anyone care for Andy.

The agency provided an exceptional nanny for Andy.  Scott and Amy interviewed her and felt that she was a great fit for their family.  She came at a higher price, but she was very qualified and seemed very responsible and loving.  Things went very well for the first month or so.  Then one day the nanny called Amy.  She had to fly home as her father was ill.  He had suffered a massive heart attack and was in I.C.U.   Amy wasn't happy  but seemed understanding and told the nanny to keep her posted.  Amy turned to Scott and stated that he needed to call his C.O. and take off of work.

Amy, I can't call my C.O.!

Why not, Scott?  

Because, Amy, the military doesn't work like that.  I don't get to pick and choose. I made a commitment, I have a "duty".

Screw your duty, Scott.  I have a life too.  I have a career.  I make more money then you'll ever make!  You're going to have to man-up.  I suggest you get busy.

Man-up, Amy?  What is that supposed to mean? When I entered the military, I took an oath.  In the military you take orders.  They don't bend the rules.  You knew this before we got married. You understood that this was not just a commitment on my part.  You knew there would be sacrifices from both of us.  You knew this was going to be hard.

Well, that was then and this is now, Scott.  Things change.  You knew that I wanted my career. You knew I was going to go back to school.

Yeah, Amy, I knew.  But things didn't go as we planned.

What do you mean, Scott?   Things didn't go as we planned?  They went exactly as planned!

Amy, I mean we didn't think we would have kids this soon.  That's why you were on the pill. We wanted to wait.  I understand that sometimes women get pregnant while they are on the pill. Neither one of us ever thought we would be the one in a million to get pregnant on the pill.

Scott, "we" didn't.

Amy, I know "I" wasn't pregnant, you were.  All I meant was...

Scott, I wasn't on the pill.  I stopped taking it.

What???

You stopped taking it?

You never told me.  Why would you NOT tell me!  Amy, I'm your husband.  I had a right to know!

Scott, it's my body.  You don't have a "right" to decisions about "MY" body.

Amy, I had a right to decide on when to start a family, don't you think?

Amy turned on her heel.

You had a right to decide to get married.  You made your decision.  You married me.

Sometimes kids are a surprise.  Sometimes kids just happen.  Sometimes things are not planned...

Amy, that's unfair.  This wasn't a surprise to you.  You knew the chances.  You just withheld the information.

Well, Scott, it is what it is.  And I suggest you learn how to deal with it...

-S.Spade

 

 

Pregnancy, motherhood and madness

There was an uncomfortable silence on the phone.

Amy's pregnant?

Another long pause...Yeah mom, she's pregnant...not exactly the best timing, eh?

Something tells me she stopped taking her birth control pills.

Scott, are you sure she was ever on the pill?

Another pause...

Mom, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure of anything right now. All I am sure of is that I can't even consider a break up. I have a responsibility to take care of her and the baby. Who knows, maybe this will bring us closer together, something to celebrate. And you and dad will be awesome grandparents!

Terri agreed, they would be awesome grandparents. But she worried about the marriage. There were problems from the start. And children, although a blessing, seldom are the answer to a rocky relationship.

During the pregnancy, Amy's behaviors became more erratic.

One moment, she would be raising cane about her career.

In no uncertain terms she let Scott know that she was not about to throw all her schooling in the dumper simply because of a child. She expected to continue working and she expected to further her education. In the next breath she would scream about how unfair it would be for her to have to work and be a mother. She also became increasingly jealous. She accused Scott of having affairs and wanted to know his whereabouts at all times. When Scott would be scheduled for duty it was not uncommon for Amy to call his commanding officer to inquire if Scott was in fact scheduled for work. Scott was often reprimanded by his C.O. for these incidents and he tried his best to curtail Amy's outbursts. When Amy wasn't calling Scott's commanding officers, she would call his cell phone repeatedly. It wasn't uncommon for Scott to have 20-30 messages from Amy on any given day.

Amy also didn't fit the typical scenario of a first time mommy-to-be. Most women happily discuss their pregnancy, look forward to picking out layette items and spend hours finding the perfect name for their baby. Not the case with Amy. She rarely discussed her pregnancy. There was no "glow". She almost seemed annoyed with the entire process. She clearly was not impressed with her baby shower. Most mother's ohh and ahh over all the baby gifts. Amy was almost robot-like. No emotion. Take card off of gift, open envelope, briefly read who the gift was from, remove wrapping paper, open box, look, close box, move to next item...

And it was noted by the guests that she seemed less than excited. Not your typical baby shower. When Amy was asked how she liked being pregnant her response was "it's a means to an end"...

It wasn't learned until after her pregnancy that Amy, against medical advice, stopped taking all her medications. Although the doctor had assured Amy that the risk of not taking her medications was far greater then her taking them, Amy felt otherwise. She had no problem letting the doctor know that she felt his medical knowledge was "questionable" and that she would take his advice "under consideration". The doctor instructed Amy to be cautious and had suggested that she at least take a lower dosage and not just stop cold turkey, but Amy would not hear of it. Scott had no idea that she had stopped her medications and at one point had asked her if possibly her medications needed adjusting as her mood swings were becoming more severe. Amy assured him that her dosage was fine and that her mood swings were a normal part of fluctuating hormones. She never mentioned that she was no longer taking anything except a prenatal vitamin.

Amy delivered a healthy baby boy by C-section . Terri and Bruce were on cloud nine. Terri made arrangements to go and spend a few weeks helping out Amy while she recovered as Scott could not take time off. When Terri arrived she noted that Amy seemed distant and agitated. Terri felt this was probably due to "baby-blues" and lack of sleep. Terri tried to be understanding and patient with Amy. It didn't seem to help.

Amy was also bad mouthing Scott to Terri. According to Amy, Scott should "man-up" to his C.O. She felt it was "bullshit" that Scott could not get time off. Amy was also certain that Scott's C.O. was covering up for Scott's so-called affairs. According to Amy everyone on base was having affairs and everyone covered up for one another. No one with a penis was to be trusted. Terri tried to make light of it and assured Amy that nothing could be further from the truth, but Amy would have no part of it.

The two weeks that Terri spent helping Amy were difficult. Amy frequently had outbursts and her rage was relentless. When Andy would cry, Amy would insist that Terri and Scott leave him to "cry it out". Amy stated that under no circumstances would she raise a spoiled child. Amy wanted the baby on a strict schedule. There was to be no fluctuation. Again, Amy became robot-like with her mothering duties. Amy was also becoming suspicious of Terri. Amy felt that Terri was going to try to kidnap Andy.

Scott placed a phone call to Amy's doctor about Amy's erratic behavior. The doctor asked Scott if Amy had started back on her medications? It was only then that Scott learned of Amy's discontinuing her medications during her pregnancy. When Scott confronted Amy about this, Amy flew into a rage. It was just the beginning of many rages.....

-S.Spade